Emotional Recall

In theatre, there is a practice or technique called 'emotional recall.' This technique is where actors learn to channel their past experiences and emotions into a current situation to simulate the appearance of that particular emotion. Complicated? Not really. Dangerous? Can be. Worth it? Sometimes.

Overall, my life is one giant exercise in emotional recall. In every situation, I train myself to respond in a particular way, even if that is not what I'm feeling. Right now, I have a beautiful wife and a love that cannot be broken. However, I do not have a home, a job, a reliable car, or any of those things that create the 'security' needed by my generation.

Why do I need these things? Because I think I do.
Why can I not just trust that these things will be taken care of?

Ay, there's the rub.

So, trust is an issue; it always has been and probably always will be. Trust requires something much more than a word, a sound, or even an act. Trust requires the actual submission of one's thoughts, feelings, and attitudes to the greater. Trust requires me to stop and listen and act.

Instead of spending my time looking at jobs on the internet, worrying over cars and money, I should just spend time on my knees?

Yes.

Thoughts on Moving Forward

I am at the crux of change. In two days, I leave my home of the past four years for a new and exciting journey. In 9 days, I enter the world of marriage as I pledge my life to my future wife. Life as I know it is changing, and I am caught in its never ending cycle. Yet, through it all I am left with this one thought: change is good. The static nature of what life has been fades into the shifting landscape of the future. Without knowing what's to come, I am almost anxious. The need for safety and security oftentimes overwhelm the senses, forcing me to look further within and away from what I know. I run from that which consistently offers me the help I need; why? Why do I hide? Why do I run? Why do I stress?
I hate being human.