Because I need to write...

So. I'm tired of complaining. Seriously, I always talk about being too distracted or too depressed or too blah blah blah to write or live or laugh. I wrap myself up in melancholy and hope for the best. I disengage from the world because, personally, I like my imagination better. I mean, who doesn't? But the truth is there is a world beyond the reaches of my self-proclaimed isolation. It's a big one. And consuming myself in books, a job, and a marriage does not equate to living. It equates to "getting by." So, here's a chance to refuel and live. But, before we move on to the finer points of interesting versus uninteresting points of discussion, a quick update on life for those who might be out of the loop.

1. Britter and I are buying a house. Not renting. Not apartment-ing. Purchasing a house. Why am I so old? Anyway, it's a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath in Clinton. It's perfect. We love it. We should close around April 15 and move in June 1. (The seller's have a daughter who is graduating in May and wanted to stay until then. We agreed.) Needless to say, there are many things that will be done and packed and refinished and painted in the near future. But, we're excited. We're going to be homeowners. It's like some elite club of people who can claim that they are "adults." Ugh.

2. I am in the process of trying to get my teaching license for secondary English. Personally, I'm thrilled. Teach literature and writing and other things to students that may or may not be interested. Woot. Even if they aren't interested, I am and that is slightly more important considering that my last 2 jobs have been ones that I secretly want to forget about existing.

3. Life, for the most part, is good. I am trying to make some personal adjustments to overcome this melancholy I've been in for... oh, I don't know... 2 or 3 months now. Much to the chagrin of my wife, I process things internally which means that I've been working through things that I'm finally starting to be able to identify and work through. I'm not finished yet, which means that the process isn't complete and I haven't made any life-altering conclusions. But, I've recognized the process and that's a start.

4. I am recognizing the need for better friendships in my life. Well, let me rephrase. I am recognizing the need for my part in being a better friend in the lives of others, which improve the relational quality of the friendship. It's all very connected. So, I am trying to figure out how to stay connected and be a better friend to those friends I call dear.

5. I want a puppy. And a baby. But we are being smart and waiting. But I can't wait. I mean, I can be patient. But I'm excited. Just needed to share.

Inspiration versus Action

There is a definite difference between inspiration and action. Unfortunately, I am having to learn these two things the hard, long, arduous way rather than the quick and easy. But hey! That's life right? Life is a journey, a process that takes you through the ever-changing mires of existence until you edge your way up onto solid ground of a foundation that you forgot existed so that your life is full of light, life, and the things you always longed for? Well, that's what we say, at least. I'll let you know on my deathbed if we ever made it out of the mires between the ethereal inspiration and the landlocked action. 


Inspiration has seven definitions according to dictionary.com. I chose this one as the closest to my concept of inspiration: a divine influence directly and immediately exerted upon the mind or soul. Now, let's go ahead and clear up the divine issue. I'm not necessarily stating that all inspiration is God reaching down from eternity and gifting a vision or idea that compels the artist/dramatist/writer/musician/other to burst forth into craft, though I'm not knocking the idea. I think that each individual was given a talent or passion lying somewhere within the realms of the arts or sciences that causes one to seek inspiration and find it, even in the mundane parts of life. But, it is an influence that is exerted upon the mind or soul that causes the desire to respond to it. For example, one might say that Mother Teresa inspired her to move to India to start a ministry for those living in the slums. This inspiration would be the life that Mother Teresa lived influenced the individual to act in response to imitate or somehow apply something similar to his or her own life. 


Now action has twenty-four different definitions according to dictionary.com. More of a selection. The one closest to my purpose is as follows: an act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by physical or mental activity. Thus, action is a willed response that includes physical or mental activity. I, personally, would include spiritually to the list. To act is to move oneself from a state of potential energy, resting and waiting for the moment to be used, to kinetic energy, energy in motion. (Thank you, Basic Physics, for applying to today's thought.) Action is a response to some stimulus, whether good or bad. Even proactive action is a response to a perceived stimulus, so by saying, "Let's be proactive rather than reactive," all one is saying is, "Let's act first to what we think will happen rather than act when what is going to happen happens." Not that I'm against being proactive, but according to this definition... yeah.


So, how does one move from inspiration, the influence upon the mind and soul, to action, the will of movement? Honestly, I think that inspiration is probably romanticized to the point of unattainability by our neo-Romantic culture. So, we move a lot closer than we think. The point, however, is not in the inspiration. It's the action. There has to be action. "So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead." (James 2:17) Without some form of action, there can be no change, and inspiration brings change in some form or another. 


So now, the personal. Here are the inspirations that must meet action:
A) Writing. I'm constantly inspired to write. This must needs happen, if not daily then some form of regularity.
B) Husbandry. Not as in "animal husbandry" but as in my role as a husband. I often have strokes of inspiration on how to be better for the one and only. Now to follow through.
C) Faith. Moving from a "if the mood strikes me" to a "spiritual discipline." No excuses.


So, those of you who have accountability on your radars, here you go. You now have three questions you can ask.

Motivation

Motivation. Often the word becomes coupled with "distraction" in my vocabulary. Sad as it may be, motivation is one of my defining weaknesses. Granted, in a job interview I will never say that my greatest weakness is "a lack of motivation." But by understanding that I, for lack of a better term, suck at being motivated, hopefully there can be progress beyond it.

Example. I love to write. Writing is probably the art form that most readily awakens the world around me to one of color rather than muted grays. I love language and the flow of words, the ponderous value of an ever lengthening vocabulary. Honestly, I have a list of words that I love like "ubiquitous" and "marsupial." English nerd, I know. But I have absolutely no motivation. None. Zero. In fact, the only reason I'm writing this blog is because it's 10:00 at night, I'm not sleepy yet, and my wife isn't ready for bed yet. How sad is that? Something that I love becomes a last resort rather than something I seek after. True to the human condition, much?

Another example. Exercise. Words cannot explain how much I hate going to the gym. Yet, once at the gym, I like it. It's the process of leaving my door, driving, arriving, and getting to it. There's just this block there. I have a billion other things that I could be doing and generally do. I know its good for me, but I lack the motivation to go and see it through.

The only problem I have with writing this is the assumption that many who read this will define my lack of motivation laziness. While there is some merit to the point, let me offer a preemptive counter argument. Laziness is defined by the lack of action due to unwillingness or a lack of effort. This is not the case with my lack of motivation. It's not that I'm unwilling or that I don't try. It's that many times I find myself without the... oomph to get up and do whatever is needed at the moment. Now, if it's a dirty kitchen, my motivation is there cause I despise it.... Wait. Does hatred lead me to be motivated. Grr...