Changing

It is essential to life that change occurs. Change spurns growth, imagination, and refines the soul. At the same time, change causes pain. Some changes destroy deep-rooted passions, thoughts, and ideas. Some changes uproot entire lives. And sometimes, the dreaded change does not happen within one's self. When change occurs in the souls of others, change that one thought unnecessary, then hurt, betrayal, and pain becomes the reality within.

I recognize this pain as a fact of life, but that does not make it any easier to deal with. In fact, it destroys me. Seeing the minute changes within the souls of others rips my heart to shreds. Being gifted with perception and a hint of foresight, I see the paths ahead and, knowing what will occur, I shatter myself on the diamond surface of irrevocable actions. Since I cannot change others' actions, only my reactions, I'm forced to watch the destruction of lives and stand by until asked to interfere. Why? Why do I have to wait and watch the people I love become shells of who they once were because they are only concerned with what they want? Why do I have to be the one to know?

Sadly, I often close down that particular faculty of my giftings, and don't listen to the whisperings of my soul and spirit. And then, I feel empty. I feel like I'm walking through fog and haze instead of the clarity of what I truly see. So, it becomes a balancing act of when to see and when not to see. But I have to pretend like I don't so that a) I don't freak people out and b) so that I don't become over involved in other people's lives and destroy myself in the process. Yet, onward I walk, changing myself and watching the changes around me.

Change may be good. It may spurn all those incredibly wonderful things. But change hurts. And some change was never meant to be.